Photo credit :Rachel Grams 01

I do not claim to be a Self-love pro, instead I am someone who has waded and is still wading through the murky waters of rejection. Like many, I starved myself of the love I truly deserved. This piece is a snippet from the wealth of knowledge garnered over the years.

Here are my trusted, tested and proven secrets:



Depression engulfed my immature mind as I saw Karo’s name on the list of the members of the committee I was to lead. He was one young man I only knew from a distance and he didn’t look like “my kind of person.” I later discovered that I was wrong as he turned out to be the most resourceful, committed and creative member of the team. He is still someone I would like to work with later in the future. I did not just like him at first, but we have turned out to be great buddies and we would continue to be for life. Same persons and personalities, but the perception changed because of a powerful factor: TIME.
Have you ever found yourself in an awkward situation, where you were helplessly trapped in an emotional web with someone who is the opposite of your ‘spec’ (ideal man or woman) simply because you had some responsibilities to shoulder together thereby spending more time? Yeah… This explains office romance scenarios and Boss-P.A saga.

Time is a magical wand that changes things in split seconds; Why not use it on yourself?
Occasionally, try to switch off your phone, shut your door and spend time alone, engage your thoughts and imagination, have a special date with yourself and face your fears. It’s always an amazing experience, trust me.

I know some folks who are never bored until they are with themselves, they draw solace from the noise and distractions they see whenever they are hidden among the crowd of friends and activities. They love the company of everyone else but themselves.
One of the reasons you are afraid of rejection is because you fear being by yourself. Enjoy that zone because that is the devil’s greatest threat. Besides, it is also fun!
As a kid, the phrase ‘we won’t play with you again’ from our click of friends was like a grenade hitting us right in the face. Sadly, that phrase still weighs as much even now as it used to decades ago.

For just a second, let’s look at it this way: You are not just one mobile object occupying space on earth; you are the combination of three fellows: body, soul and spirit. Those are enough buddies you know? When one is talking, the others will listen, laugh and contribute. They do it in turns.

If you are uncomfortable and afraid of hanging out with yourself, why would you expect someone else to spend the rest of his/her life with the dreadful monster that seems to torture the hell out of you? Be considerate!

It is true that when you are in love with someone, you don’t mind spending your whole day with them. So it is in the grand scheme of things, we develop affection and love for whatever or whoever we spend our time with; the chemistry is natural!
The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.

“When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier.”–Diane Von Furstenberg



Photo credit : ohayo Gozaimasu

God created us to be gifts to the entire universe, but how do we know the quality of the gift we are if we don’t unwrap it?
How do you love you when you are oblivious about the treasure you possess? Self-Discovery is all about becoming more aware of your strength and worth. It’s also about stripping our ignorance naked.

“Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.” – Will Durant

We live in a fallen world where everyone around is quick to point out our weaknesses and imperfections, but leave our treasure unannounced. So, an average person is walking the street with an invisible placard with this inscription: I AM A BAG OF FLAWS AND IMPERFECTIONS. It is very disheartening!

Photo credit :The buzzy kiwi

You cannot truly love yourself if the awareness of your weaknesses, trumps that of your strength and abilities. It punctures the tank of your Self-love and leaves you totally empty. Pay cautious attention to your strength and less to your already obvious weaknesses. I am tempted to say ignore your weakness for now and focus on your strengths.

EXERCISE: Pause and list 7 of your strengths —if you find it difficult then you have some work to do (please attempt it, don’t just assume because you won’t know the truth until you attempt it).

“The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” – Marcel Proust

Develop a new eye for you.
TIP: Pay attention to positive feedback you get from people around you and ask your trusted friends to tell you the POSITIVE things they have noticed about you.



This is the most important secrets of all and the central point of this piece. I am yet to meet anyone who has a healthy Self-love without a sound relationship with God because, GOD IS LOVE. Any self-worth gotten outside God, is fake and destructive, that is, if it exists.
Secondly, God made you and He loves and knows you more than you. He can easily reveal you to you (discovery) and empower you to love.

How do you walk with God? I know only one way and I am sure that is the only way that exists. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to God without him. Every other way of reaching God outside Jesus, may seem right and rational, but the end thereof is destruction.

Please kindly let me know if this make sense sense to you by dropping you comment. Most importantly, let us remember that there is love in SHARING.


20 thoughts on “HOW TO BOOST SELF-LOVE

  1. Beautiful. But, how can solitude be made to understand to folks who are oblivious of what you’re going through on the inside, when you’re given unprintable names, all in the name of discovering you and chanelling your energies towards profitable things?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Myriam, you don’t have to lose yourself just to be found by people around you…. At this juncture, you do not need to bother about what anyone says or do and that is what Self-love is so important (please check the previous post). I have a mantra and this is it : Be cool with being controversial.
      Thanks for dropping your thoughts.


  2. Awesome piece I must say. I’m glad you wrote on this again. Motive is very important in self esteem. Spending time with ones self, discovering ones self and walking with God if not done for the right (not best as it could mean different things to different people) reasons could even make one worse than they were. I can attest to spending time with ones self, it’s very beautiful. You’re at your best and you’ll be wondering why you didn’t say those things when you were with people.
    The God factor is the most important “one with God is majority ” . Self discovery is one delicate hell of a journey. These points are like major topics, Hehehehe.
    Thanks for spreading light sir, a city on a hill cannot be hidden. God bless you

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Remember I begged you to write about this… I am glad, God finally pushed you to do it.
    Rockdweller, God bless you richly for giving us the what and then how to get there from personal experiences. God bless you richly!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There more you write and I get blessed, the more I get scared and worried because I still remember you told me when you started this blog that after 100 piece you will stop and I am close enough to know that you meant every alphabet in that statement… I called you in April and I think you are still serious about the stuff. Now it’s 68 and I hope you will change your mind!
    I am on my knees crying ‘TUNJI PLEASE DO NOT STOP!’

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The last point is where I find me. Whenever I’m doubting myself and worth, I go spend time with God. I kill the distractions by seeing myself from God’s point of view. Sometimes you think you have a healthy self esteem until one “awesome” comes along, then you start looking somewhat inferior. But in Christ, all my essence comes alive.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you so much for this I’ve seen seen a lot of people that staying by themselves to think is a problem until they move out or go see other people, I think that’s literally the best way to love yourself,you have to spend time with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “The most powerful relationship u will ever have is the relationship with yourself” wow!!! Wonderful More Grace Sir. I love you Thank you sir

    Liked by 1 person

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